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Shit, piss and double bollocks: another injury

In Arsenal FC on November 17, 2009 by Highbury N5 Editor

Desperate times call for desperate measures it seems; van Persie is going to have placenta rubbed on his ankle by a Serbian witch doctor in a bid to recover from injury just that little bit quicker – if you didn’t already know, he is out for 6 weeks with a bollocksed ligament. Maybe its the baby particles in the placenta that invade his ankle and make everything hunky-dory again. It better bloody work or one angry Arsenal accountant is going to be knocking on some very scary Serbian housewives front door.

Making stuff up that is so stupid to be believed is such an easy way to make money. I’m going to go outside and mow my lawn and sell the cuttings to a rich French footballer who wants to desperately learn the English language. I’ll tell him turning them into a soup ‘soothes the vocal chords with pure Englishness, aiding speech of English’. Someone would have to believe it.

It seems we may need to send Gibbs off to van Persie’s placenta rubbing woman to mend him too, he got broken on under 21 duty tonight according to Young Guns. Hopefully its not serious.

Arsene Wenger has said how he will not be using Samir Nasri in the holding role when Alex Song jets off to get injured I mean when Alex Song jets off on ACN duty, tipping Denilson to fill the role. Le Boss said:

“No, [he is not a replacement], I do not say that he could not, Samir is very tactically astute, but he is attracted forwards. He loves the offensive game.

“We have Denilson who can fill that role. He is more suited than Samir at the moment. Samir is more a player who has pace, is versatile around the box and can finish. It would be a sacrifice to put him down there. Also he has a little handicap in the air.

“He likes [that defensive role] and certainly, technically and tactically, he can do it but I believe he can be more efficient up front.”

It is an area that had been attracting a lot of speculation before van Persie got injured and the hacks targeted our forward department and started linking Marouane Chamakh with a move to us again. It will be Denilson’s chance to make himself indispensable to Wenger, I rate him highly and thought his back injury came at a time where he was turning himself into a cast iron starter. Hopefully he picks up where he left off when he recovers from injury – he is expected back imminently.

Emmanuel Eboue has been talking about how he wants to be the next Eddie Murphy, he could make a re-hash of Beverly Hills Cop, shooting baddies whilst doing one of his funny dances to the Crazy Frog tune, something like this:

Its been a rather bad week, what with all the injuries and stuff, hopefully we don’t have any more bad news before the game against Sunderland on Saturday but as I am writing this I am hearing rumours of an injury to Aaron Ramsey.

More tomorrow.

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5 Responses to “Shit, piss and double bollocks: another injury”

  1. An injury to Ramsey? WTF?? Please tell me you’re having a laugh…

  2. Not having a laugh at all, there are a few rumours on the grapevine that I’m currently checking out.

  3. Ramsey is injured. Our squad is decimated yet again. I count that as 13.

    How dreadful as we enter the time where we have 2 games a week til january.

  4. would love to know the news source on that ramsey injury

  5. I’m not sure on it myself. We will find out Thursday or Friday I would think.

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