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TGB EXCLUSIVE: Arsenal close in on Messi Jan deal

In Arsenal FC, Exclusives on October 13, 2009 by Highbury N5 Editor

thegoonblog.com understands that Arsenal will sign Lionel Messi in the January transfer window after it has emerged to Barcelona that Messi contains Arsenal DNA, reportedly shocking Barcelona president Joan Laporta so much that he had to be locked up in a padded cell whilst he exploded in a mix of rage and disappointment.

The Catalan was reportedly heard bellowing: “Cesc turned us down and now those horrible beasts from North London have got their paws on Lio, how dare he have Arsenal in his DNA”.

The story will hit the pressers in the coming days but one does find it ironic that just days after Laporta himself forced midfielder Xavi to claim Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas has Barcelona DNA and will naturally return to the country of his birth whenever they click their fingers.

The transfer is reportedly free as it triggers a clause in Messi’s contract declaring that if his DNA matches any other club he can move there hassle free and without hindrance from the Barcelona hierarchy.

Spanish daily SPORT still insist that Cesc is on his way to the Camp Nou after declaring that when Cesc scored against Blackburn, and appeared to be kissing the Arsenal crest, he was actually SPITTING on it.

A SPORT insider claimed: “I know to all and sundry it may appear that Francesc, the Catalan, was kissing his Arsenal crest but I can assure you that he was in-fact spitting on it, he was showing his ever increasing desire to move to the Barcelona motherland. Of course this reporting has NOT been affected by a rather large deposit of money into my bank account from an associate of Barcelona CF. Oh no.”

Barca football director Txiki Begiristain has reportedly traveled to his local chapel where he is seeking forgiveness from God for all the tapping up he has done, he has recently tried to sign all of Pele’s top 150 living footballers on pre-contracts, regardless of age.

We, at thegoonblog.com, have managed to get our hands on an incriminating picture of Messi signing for Arsenal:

BEWARE: THE FOLLOWING PICTURE MAY CAUSE DISTRESS TO JOAN LAPORTA

Arsenal sign Messi

Shocking revelations from Barca HQ

After years of having to put up with Barcelona trying to steal their finest, it seems Arsenal have pulled off the ultimate coup. It spells the end for Laporta who is currently under sedation and investigation by FIFA for tapping up every footballer known to man.

The latest rumours from the Barca camp are that Titus Bramble has been signed on a pre-contract. but Titus himself has said “I am currently at a big club here at Wigan, why would I want to move to a smaller club in decline? I have not been paid to say this, pwomise”

So there you have it, one of the finest footballers to grace the green fields of football is on their way to Arsenal. The rumours are already starting in Barcelona about Lionel Messi being disillusioned with life at Arsenal.

Who was it that said the Interlull is boring?

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14 Responses to “TGB EXCLUSIVE: Arsenal close in on Messi Jan deal”

  1. ahahahahahahahahahahahahah. The best post to date!

  2. Thanks, Its all true, you know?

  3. Great, just wish Arsenal can pay some of the papers to write nonesense articles about certain Barca players as Barca are currently doing.

  4. You read the Arseblog yesterday, then? Wonder how long it will take Marca, The Sun and their gutter ilk to pick this up and report it as fact?

  5. Hahaha…I hope we Arsenal fans can actually start a scam that links us to Messi (cover for Eboue when he goes to the ACN), Xavi (as cover for Mr. Diaby) and Pedro/Yaya (song’s going to ACN too!!!).

    Actually swap deals will work. Straight swap: Xavi for Diaby, and Messi + Pedro + 45M Euros for Silvestre.

  6. Well said che,lol!

  7. Sorry i meant chi,would be funny if real madrid put a bigger bid than them if fabregas decides to leave.

  8. Great Stuff! I’m startn to hope we meet Barca later in the CL this year. I would love to see Arsenal destroy the former Champs with Cesc leading the charge!

  9. Wish all arsenal blog can publish stufs like this and with seriousness. Week in week out. Lets see how this jobless press will react. Good job. Well done.

  10. lmfao! now that’s FUNNY, I actually saved this page cuz I had no time to read it yesterday, wish it were true though….or is it? But Che, what deals u’ve come up with!!

  11. Great stuff, should be knocking these type of articles out on a daily basis.

  12. if i could remember…i once read that Arsene says if barca dont stop this funny games that he’ll go Messi…reading this today could mean that something is fishing….hope Henry’s hand is clean anyway or is he in barca on a mission…

  13. Rumours are circulating that Barcelona’s Lionel Messi is not happy at the Nou Camp – and that has led to reports that he may be on his way out, with Arsenal said to be very interested (various).

    The 20-year-old Argentinian was left out of the starting 11 at the weekend following a spell out with injury, but performed well once he took the field against Racing Santander. However, Barca are seven points back in La Liga and that has led to many tabloid hacks hinting at his supposed imminent departure.

    I think all of us must respond to such stories with seriousness as if it is really true. Imagine the story to be true and how would you react to it? Because the phrase “Messi to Arsenal” will appear on links to various blog pages, so we must play along. If not any member of the press who scans these blog pages comments would know we are just taking the piss.

  14. […] a much more concise form, of course, there still we be the laughs there have always been like the now infamous Barca story I wrote about Messi signing for Arsenal and Juan Laporta’s reaction to […]

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